Every time I go in knowing full well that they will break my heart.
I know that the chances are I’ll outlive them.
I know this from the start but still keep going back for more.
Someone once said that things worth doing are the things that may break your heart. They were spot on.
I think about little Lulu, our 9 lb. terrier mix that is 15 years old with heart disease.
She’s been on medicine now for over two years.
A few weeks ago Lulu got real sick and I thought she was a goner.
She got right up to the edge. She had to be fed with a syringe and she got so weak she could barely stand up.
But she pulled through. She started eating and getting stronger. Within a few days she had a spring in her step I hadn’t seen in over a year. She was better than she was before she got sick.
Then a week later Sadie, my short haired tabby cat got sick and two weeks after that she was gone.
Sometimes you just don’t realize how much real estate a pet has in your consciousness until they are gone.
Sadie is still very much in my consciousness.
I walk into the living room and she is curled up on the back of the sofa.
I go in my bedroom and she’s on her pillow.
I step out of the bath and she is waiting on my towel.
That is all in my mind though.
I know from past experience that eventually the pain will pass and her presence on the sofa and her pillow will fade from my consciousness. In a way knowing that makes me even more sad. My attempts to keep her from fading from my consciousness is to keep her present and alive as long as possible.
I remember how I’ve gotten through it before.
Otis was our beloved Pug. He was the best natured dog I’ve ever had.
I remember him with my cat BG, a solid white short haired female with one blue eye and one green.
Otis loved BG. He had protected her as a kitten. He loved the kittens.
I remember one day in the kitchen. My partner was preparing lunch and Otis and BG were in there both looking up at Toby as to beg for some of whatever he was cooking. BG had her tail rapped around Otis’s neck. I wish I’d gotten a picture of that.
That was over 15 years ago and both Otis and BG are gone now. I still miss them both.
As I morn the loss of Sadie and know it won’t be long before Lulu will be gone I ask is it worth the pain?
The answer is yes! It is worth it and I’ll do it again and again.
